Thursday, 15 August 2013

One of those days

You know that feeling when everyone is suddenly coming onto you from all sides, and you feel everything you do is wrong and somehow it's all your fault.
You know when you're part of a group but you feel like if you're not there, you feel it wouldn't really matter to them.
You know that feeling when after years of a shitty existence, everything is all rainbows and sunshine but somehow you're convinced that it is all going to fall apart any minute now.
You know that feeling when you've believed in something all your life and now things are so different, you're forced to changed your belief system.
You know that feeling when things are changing so fast you barely have time to wrap your head around it. And all you keep doing is to hold onto the familiar with all you've got. But then you see the familiar has changed too. And you realize that you don't like change. Much.
You know when all you are supposed to worry about for the next 20 days is decide which movie to watch and how many hours to sleep. But you've gotten so used to having to worry all the time that there's a nagging feeling at the back of your head telling you that you're not supposed to be so carefree. That you're supposed to worry about something.
You know when you work and work and work and it's still not enough.
You know when you would do anything, everything to help someone, if only they'd let you.
You know that feeling of helplessness when you would do everything if only you knew what to do actually.
You know when you suddenly find someone you've got SO much in common with and it's like you've known each other forever and you keep wondering here this person was all the time when you needed them.
You know when you're so scared that the person you've got will leave too someday, like all the people in your life. They will leave with all the burden of the world on your shoulders. And you're shit scared because you don't want to lost them.
Because for the first time in your life, you've got butterfiles in your stomach and you crazy grin at some random thought and you start making plans and you start believing in things and it gets to the point where you feel you should stop because being too happy is a crime.
You now that feeling when you hear that you're a waste of space so many times that you actually start believing it.
You know when best friend becomes just a word for someone you couldn't live without before, because you don't know each other anymore.
You know when your friendship falls apart not because you lost contact or numbers but because you're two completely different people now.
You know when you're exhausted of all the fights and the drama, and you wish it would all stop for once and for all because you can't do it anymore. You can't keep fighting or faking or trying to keep all the pretenses.
Because you'd like some peace and happiness and satisfaction. Because you'd like to feel loved again.
You know when the only way to get a hold onto whatever you're feeling is somehow try to put it into words, because the feelings are too fast and strong.
You know that feeling when nothing is wrong but something isn't right either.
You know that feeling when you have friends all around and they are laughing and talking among themselves, and you're sitting alone in a corner, writing this.

Yes, it's one of those days.

Friday, 12 July 2013

Can't Keep Calm. It's my Best friend's Birthday!

This post is dedicated to my best friend who happens to care nothing for birthdays. But I can't for the life of me, understand why. For a huge birthday person like me, I can't fathom a world with no birthdays. So her birthday is as important to me as mine.
Cake, free food, gifts... What's not to like! But, here I am, writing anyways, because words sometimes are the best way to say things you can never say out loud. Here goes...

I remember the day we met. It was the first day of 9th standard. All my friends had been transferred to other sections and I was pissed. I remember seeing you and then thinking, 'This is one girl I want to be friends with.' And I did!

For the 6 years we've been friends, I've been a pain in the ass for almost 5 and a half of them. I don't know why you put up with me, but I'm glad you do.

You have been there for me, always! ALWAYS! But that's not why I love you.
You seen me crying and you're still friends with me. But that's not why I love you.
You've been such a patient person all these six years. Bearing through my craziness, my 'I'm-running-away-from-home' phases, my 'hunger-strike' drama. But that's not why I love you.
For the 6 years we've been friends, we've been apart for four years, met even less number of times ans talked a hundred hours on phone. But that's not why I love you.
We've planned holidays together, promised to be godmother's of our children, dreamed of being in the same city and doing crazy shit. But that's not why I love you.
You made me love chocolate. You introduced me to English songs. You made me a better person.
You've always steered me clear of all trouble. Lectured me when I was being stupid. Threatened to not talk to me if I didn't stop my drama. But that's not why I love you.
Do you remember how stupid we were, back then? How naive? We laugh about it even now. But that's not why I love you.
We have history together. You know stories. Stories that no one else knows. Stupid stories, painful stories, funny stories. Some stories which only require a word from one of us and we'd die laughing. But that's not why I love you.
We are the most opposites of each other as two people can be. But that's not why I love you.
You cannot sleep. I can't stop sleeping. You say wrong. I say right. You go west. I go east. I am a romantic. You're skeptic.
We make fun of people together, spend hours discussing our futures, whine about our 'sad and depressing lives'. You know me better than most people, I tell you things I don't even wanna admit out loud sometimes. But that's not why i love you.
Sometimes I hate you for being so harsh with me. Sometimes I resent you for not agreeing with me. Sometimes I despise you for being a different person. And you are still there, in the shadows, to pick me up whenever I fall. But that's not why I love you.
We've survived 6 years of shit together. Shit that most people won't even guess happened with us. And we've come out stronger and better, together. But that's not why I love you.
I'm grateful to you for being a true friend. For not hesitating to tell me that the sun don't shine out of my ass. For setting me right, when I'm being ridiculous. For not being afraid to speak your mind. But that's not why I love you.
You've been the most incredible, patient, understanding, sweet, amazing friend of all times. But that's not why I love you.

No. I don't love you because of, despite or inspite of all these reasons. Because if I loved you for a reason, it wouldn't be love. It would be a carefully compiled list of pros and cons. No.

I love you for no reason. I love you and I have no idea why. I love you. Enough said.

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

All we need is some Love

Love as they say is hard to find. And rightly so. Yes. It is. It is hard to find. There’s so much evil and sadness in the world. So much pain. So much sorrow. So much bad things happening around us. So much pointless drama. So much of selfishness. But the world is still a beautiful place to live in.

Because of love.

‘True love is hard to find.’ ‘I have never been in love.’ ‘When will I find my soul-mate.’ ‘No one is ever complete without their partner.’
Love isn’t a fairytale. It isn’t a Cindrella story with a happy ending. It isn’t guy-meets-girl-they-fall-in-love-bad-guy-jumps-in-guys-rescues-girl-happily-ever-after. Love is painful and complicated and messy and stupid and strong and beautiful.

Love isn’t just between two lovers. Love is so much more than that. So much more pure and wonderful and painful, all at the same time.
It’s love when you wake up in the middle of the night just to put blanket over your brother. It’s love when you buy a surprise gift for your mom on mother’s day. It’s love when the other person gets hurt and you are worried to death. It’s love when you pray for someone else’s well-being before you. It’s love when you fight with your siblings because they called you names. It’s love when all you need to smile is a smile on your loved one’s face. It’s love when you sacrifice sleep for your child. It’s love when you cry when the other person is crying. It’s love when you shout at your best friend because she did something stupid. It’s love when you fight over silly things. It’s love when you ignore the bad parts and concentrate on good ones. It’s love when even the ugliest side of your lover doesn’t deter you. It’s love when you are willing to die for the other. It’s love when a father slogs day and night in his office just so he can buy his child a long wanted bicycle. It’s love when you stop on your way home just to buy her the flowers she love. it’s love when you see two people together and you think of that special person. It’s love when all you want is for the other person to be happy, even if you’re not. It’s love when you keep on caring for someone even if they’ve stopped caring for you.
Love gives us the strength to get up from the bed every morning even when everything is wrong in our life. Love drives us to be that person whom everyone wants to be with. Love gives inspiration to people. Love gives meaning to our lives. To live, we must love.
Love isn’t a big, grenade and guns word. It’s a feeling, it’s a commitment. It’s a promise that you will never step back. It’s a vow that no matter what happens you will always be there. No matter how messy the situation, no matter how high the stakes.

I have never been in love. But. I know what it feels to be loved and to love. I love my brother and my mother and my aunts and uncles and cousins and my best friend and friends. Why should I let myself think that I am incomplete just because I didn't find 'true love'? What does true love mean really? Do we know for sure? Why should I let all these people’s love for me be rendered useless? I have all the love, all the people in the world I need.

 Why does ‘being in love’ matter so much? Why do we let all those people who have ALWAYS been there for us, get away just because there’s another person in our lives? Why do we put all our loved ones on the second number in our priority list? A friend who has been with you 20 years and a lover you’ve been with for a year. Parents who have brought you up, sacrificed their every dream for yours, spent almost all of their lives on YOU.

How is it justified that the lover is more important now? HOW?

Don’t sacrifice your love but don’t forget your family either. You know in your heart when you are right. Don’t ignore that voice which tells you that you are doing wrong to your family. Love your beloved and love your family too. Human heart has so much capacity for love. Instead of showering all your love on one person, let your heart grow. Make place for other people. Let all your loved ones know that all of them are special.

Love is knocking on your doorstep every second of your lives. Find it. Yes, it is hard. It is complicated. But it’s beautiful and wonderful too. It surprises you. It overwhelms you sometimes. Embrace it. Welcome it. Love people. Let people love you.

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Blah Blah Blah

Some people talk SO much. They keep on blabbering about how 'padhos ki chintu ki mummy ne kal chintu ke papa se kya kaha, aur phir adhos ki mintu ki mummy kitni chudail aurat hai aur kitna bak bak bak karti hain'. See the irony?

People love to talk. About themselves. About their problems. About their pinky who is doing SOOOOO well at her sasuraal. About 'petrol ke badhte daam'. About their non-existent love lives, which people pretend that it does exist, and with 'burning passion'. (What does that even mean??) *Flabbergasted face*
About padhos ki "chammak challo jo mere 'in pe' line maarti ha"'. Seriously? Are jab khud hi apne pati pe line tu nahi maarti toh padhos ki chammak challo ko kya interest hoga meri maa. People just go on yabbering about anything and everything.

*So Pooja Pandey FINALLY fulfilled her promise.*

Okay back on the topic. What exactly was the topic again?? Anyways chodo.

Hayyeeee reeeee Garrrrmmiiiiiiiii.

I remember a movie in which there was a woman singing 'sensational lyrics' in a dance contest. And the sensational lyrics were...   *DRUM ROLLS*

"It's HOT. I am on fire."

*No I am not kidding.*  *Serious Face*

So did you ever wonder why the name of West Bengal (which is not in the west), has been changed to Paschim Banga (which is still not in the west)??


Don't even think\write\blog\joke about it. Your blog might end up being banned by 'kanoon ke rakshak', and you won't even know what the hell happened.

I finally watched the movie 'The Descendants'. Complete bore. *Blank Face*
The title doesn't make much sense, the acting wasn't that good, the story line was complete bleh, plus I just couldn't digest the fact that a guy can forgive SO easily her cheating wife and her stupid ugly lover. If any one of you saw the movie and liked it, then don't you dare tell me. Otherwise I'll have to kill you.

BTW, I heard Avengers was awesome. Le shall watch it soon.

I don't understand the hype 'Satyamev Jayate' has got. Talk shows like these have been shown on television, held in various places before. I am not degrading what the show is about. It's a great show. Very informative. But just because it's Amir Khan and not some random unknown person hostng the show, it's getting a lot of attention. People, hosta and channels who have been doing these kind of shows before should be given credit too.

*Kehte hain hain khuda ne is jahan me sabhi ke liye, kisi na kisi ko hain banaya har kisi ke liye*  *Dreamy face*

Ahem Ahem!! Don't look at me like that. I LOVE this song. Plus the weather's all romantic with the 'thandi hawayyyyyyeeee' and the 'tip tip barsa paani. paani ne aag lagayyiiiiii'.

Ooooh I am hungry. Koi kuch lekar aaaoooo mere liyeeee.. marr gayii reeee main.

P.S.: I know. I also felt ki mera dimag kharab ho gaya hain. I have taken my daily dose of medicines. but they don't seem to work so well. Doctorrr. Tu toh gaya.
P.P.S.: I am getting bored. Suggest me some good songs. PLIZZZ??
P.P.P.S: I know this post didn't make any sense whatsoever. But it had been long since I wrote and I NEED to write.
P.P.P.P.S.: To quote CD, "Please bear with me"

P.P.P.P.P.S: Dogs are sooooo cute.